Reminder of Christmases Past
by Cheyla
Summary: Neal hasn't had a normal Christmas in years. Stuck working on Christmas Eve, Neal comes across a sight at Bryant Park that reminds him of what he left behind. Complete


Happy early Christmas everyone! Many thanks to Kristen and Ari (who gave me the idea for the title). Enjoy!

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Neal Caffrey just wished that he could have a normal Christmas. He wished that he could have the perfectly wrapped presents lying under the Christmas tree decorated with cheap multi-colored lights and glass ball ornaments. He wished that he could share a lavish Christmas dinner with friends and family, complete with a large ham and a fine wine to top everything off. He wished that he could fight with his brother over who would be the one to unwrap the first Christmas present on Christmas Eve.

He hadn't had a Christmas like that in years. Not since he had moved to New York. The first Christmas he spent in New York had been lonely. Neal hadn't been able to scrape up the money to buy a plane ticket home. Instead, he had enjoyed cheap wine and a ham sandwich he had bought from the nearest café.

The next few Christmases he had spent with either Kate or Mozzie. He hadn't been alone but he had still felt like there was something missing. Christmas felt cold.

Then, after some time on the run, Neal had spent the next four Christmases in jail. If he had thought Christmas had been cold before, it was nothing compared to what the holidays were like locked up. The first one had been unbearable. Neal couldn't stop thinking about his family. Were his parents ashamed of what he had become? Did they even know? And what about his brother? Had Blaine stopped expecting him to come home for the holidays? Did he even remember Cooper, as Neal had once been called? Had their Christmas traditions as a family turned to dust without Neal there? Or had they just been modified so that Neal was no longer needed?

After the first Christmas in prison, Neal had slowly stopped caring. It was just another day for him. It was nothing special. He had to force himself to believe it but it was the only way he was able to cope. If he didn't believe that December 25th was just another day on the calendar, then his heart would be broken all over again.

Things changed when Neal started working with Peter. He was out of jail but he assumed that he would still be alone. Christmas was a time to be spent with family. Everyone he interacted with believed that he didn't have a family or that they weren't close. Peter would have never let Neal travel to Ohio. Not to mention, too many questions would be raised. Therefore, Neal had resigned himself to spending the holidays alone.

He never even considered that others also didn't have family to spend the holidays with. However, when he saw Mozzie at the door, Neal didn't say anything. He just accepted the wine bottle with a small smile and brought two glasses out of the cabinet. A few minutes later, a third glass was brought up when June came up, bearing a small tray of snacks. It wasn't anything special and no presents were exchanged but it filled the gap somewhat.

The next Christmas was looking to be similar, Neal realized as Mozzie appeared silently at the door on Christmas Eve. As the shorter man walked in, Neal pulled out a second glass. He poured the wine he had gotten out moments before into the two glasses.

"No other plans?" Mozzie asked as he tasted the wine. Neal gave him a look.

"Why would I have plans?" he asked. Mozzie shrugged.

"I was just wondering," he told Neal. "Most people would be spending time with their families."

Neal resisted the urge to sigh. He should have known.

"Since when have I ever been most people?" he asked. Mozzie acknowledged this point with a slight nod of his head.

"Just a point," Mozzie backtracked. "I've never heard you talk about a family, except for Kate."

Neal looked down at the wine glass in his hand. He never mentioned his family for a reason and, until now, no questions had been asked.

"We haven't spoken in a long time," he finally said. Not since he had moved to New York and missed that first Christmas. His mother had been upset and his dad had refused to talk to him since he had left high school without his diploma. Only his brother had tried to keep in contact but once Neal had met Mozzie, he had started ignoring Blaine's calls. It was one of the most painful things he had to do but it had been necessary. He couldn't put his baby brother in any potential danger. "We didn't get along to begin with."

"Ah, the old battle between parents and children," Mozzie realized. "I've never personally experienced it but I've heard about it."

Neal smiled slightly but the smile slid off his face when his phone lit up. Since Mozzie was with him, there was only one other person that would call him. Peter.

He sighed as he hit the accept button.

"What's up?" he asked, setting down his glass.

"We have a lead on the case," Peter said, not bothering with pleasantries.

"It's Christmas Eve, Peter," he pointed out.

"You don't think I know that?" Peter asked. "Normally, I would leave it until next week but Hughes is certain that our thief is going to make an attempt tonight."

"What is Elizabeth saying about you missing Christmas Eve dinner?" Neal asked, looking around to find his coat.

Peter sighed. "She's not happy but I promised to take her ice skating."

Neal chuckled.

"You know how to ice skate?" he asked.

"No, but I know she likes it," Peter explained. "Meet me out front."

Neal hung up the phone and reached for his coat.

"The Suit?" Mozzie asked. Neal nodded and Mozzie gave a loud sigh.

"Doesn't he realize that it's Christmas Eve?" Mozzie asked. "Doesn't he ever give you time off?"

Neal gave Mozzie a look.

"What else am I going to do?" he asked before grabbing his hat and opening the door. "Are you coming?"

"Pass," Mozzie replied. "I'm not going outside again for a while. I need to let the wine warm me up."

Neal rolled his eyes and shut the door behind him. He didn't necessarily trust Mozzie in his apartment but there was nothing in there that would interest the other man too much.

A few hours later and the case was being wrapped up. Neal cringed at how easily things had been handled. There had been barely any challenge.

"Hey, honey." Both Peter and Neal turned as Elizabeth appeared. Neal glanced back at the crime scene as Peter and his wife shared a quick kiss.

"Perfect timing," Peter said. Elizabeth gave a small laugh.

"Ready to go ice skating?" she asked, holding up two pairs of ice skates. Peter sighed, not looking forward to stumbling around like a fool. He had never gotten the hang of ice-skating.

Elizabeth looked over at Neal, who was fiddling with his hat.

"Are you joining us, Neal?" she asked. Peter gave the ex-conman a look that said he should deny the invitation. Neal smirked and ignored the look. Peter, spotting the smirk, tried to stop things before they spiraled out of control.

"Honey, I'm sure Neal has other celebrations to go to this evening."

"Nope, I'm free," Neal replied. Peter glared at him.

"You don't have any ice skates," he hissed. Neal shrugged.

"I'm sure I can find some somewhere," he replied. "I'd love to go ice skating."

Elizabeth beamed and nudged her husband in the ribs.

"Be nice," she told him as they headed toward Citi Pond. "Neal doesn't have family to spend time with."

Neal pretended not to hear.

As the trio got closer to the skating rink, Neal split away from Peter and Elizabeth under the guise of getting rentals. In reality, he wasn't going anywhere near rental skates. He was just going to watch Peter make a fool out of himself, drink some cheap coffee, and possibly flirt a little. Anything to distract him from the reminder of what day it was. He had just wanted a low-key Christmas but, being Neal Caffrey, low-key was just not possible.

The ex-conman was drowning his sorrows in a hot cup of cheap, concession stand coffee when his attention was drawn toward the skating rink. However, it wasn't the sight of Peter failing at ice-skating that drew his attention.

"_I'm dreaming of a white Christmas."_

That voice sounded strangely familiar to Neal. The dark-haired man scanned the ice rink for the singer and felt his heart stop. It couldn't be.

But it was. There was no mistaking that curly hair, even though it was plastered down with gel.

Neal took a step closer. And another. He inched closer until he was at the edge of the rink. He rested his arms on the fence, watching his baby brother skate around, singing along with another boy. With the way that they looked at each other, it was impossible to mistake what their relationship to each other was.

Neal did a quick calculation in his mind. His brother would have started his first year of college by now. Or he would have been in his senior year of high school. It was one or the other. Neal wanted to kick himself for not knowing the exact answer.

Neal continued to watch the pair, a bittersweet feeling spreading throughout his body. He was glad that his brother was happy, though it killed him that he couldn't be a part of that life anymore. He took another sip of coffee, blinking furiously. It wasn't tears pricking at his eyes, he told himself. It was just the cold wind.

"Neal? Aren't you going to join us?" Neal turned his head to spot Elizabeth skating toward him, Peter stumbling behind her. Neal glanced back at Blaine, just in time to see his baby brother leaving the rink from the other side.

"Nah," he replied. "I'm just going to go home."

Peter gave him a suspicious look and Neal pushed away from the fence.

"I'll see you next week," the ex-conman told Peter and strolled away without waiting for a good-bye. As Neal left the rink behind, he began to sing the lines of the song under his breath.

"_I'm dreaming of a white Christmas,_

_Just like the ones I used to know."_


End file.
